


i’m shattered and there’s no hope

by moonIight



Category: Legacies - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Gay, Hope Mikaelson - Freeform, Hosie, Please Be careful, Post 1x16, Suicidal Thoughts, josie forgets hope but they’re in love, josie saltzman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonIight/pseuds/moonIight
Summary: the thoughts and feelings of josie saltzman when she forgets hope after she jumps in the malivore pit.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	i’m shattered and there’s no hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so i hope you enjoy. it’s only a one shot but i have others planned i was thinking about maybe making another chapter from hopes POV but i’m not too sure. also the hosie is minor so i’m really sorry :( Let me know what you think and please keep in my mind that it’s my first thing i’ve written! i hope you enjoy!

Josie once again found herself at the docks. She had spent the majority of the summer here. There was just something about watching the birds fly freely, and the trees blowing gently in the summer breeze, that filled her with hope. 

Well, maybe not hope. But it gave her a distraction to help empty her mind.

It had been a long and confusing time for the brunette. She had spent countless hours trapped inside her own mind, pondering the existence of life. She didn’t understand why, all of a sudden, she was so obsessed with it. All she knew was that ever since they had been attacked by Triad she felt like a piece of herself had gone missing. 

Slowly, the sun was beginning to set and a mirage of colour was reflecting across the water. The yellows were fading into orange before smoothing out into a more of an auburn sort of colour. 

Josie’s eyes lingered on the auburn; she wasn’t quite sure how, but it looked familiar in some way. The longer she stared at it, the more her heart ached with the same pain she had grown accustomed to over the last 3 months. 

She forced her gaze away from the sunset and down towards her feet; tears beginning to form. Every time her heart ached like that, like the world had ended and she was the last one left, she would cry. She didn’t know why. She assumed it must just be because she was overly emotional or that she missed Lizzie. 

‘Fuck, Lizzie‘. Her twin could probably feel the pain she was in and it would be the middle of the night in Europe. ‘Wait. Had she been able to feel it every time?’ A pang of guilt rode over the eldest twin like a tsunami. Lizzie was trying to get better and she was ruining it with her nonsensical crying. 

Josie panicked. She tried to distract herself with thoughts of fluffy rabbits and puppies and kittens and… And… Fuck! What is it! Her mind returned to the auburn sunset; the flecks of red sparkling ever so gently in the distance.

It was destroying her from the inside out. There was something missing, or something she was forgetting; something she had to do. Her mind was riddled with anxiety. What if someone thought she was being ignorant, or choosing not to do what they asked on purpose? What if they thought she was being selfish? Or what if they thought… No. She wouldn’t fall into that minefield again. 

The brunette shifted her position on the decking; propping her back up against one of the wooden railings for support. She hadn’t come here to spiral. To clear her head and think? Maybe. But to spiral? No. 

She hadn’t realised, but she was nervously playing with her fingers, twisting the rings and pulling them off before placing them back on and starting over again. It was an endless cycle. Josie didn’t mean to get worked up over such trivial things; like the colour of the sunset, for example. She was meant to be the calm and collected sister, but this summer had proved otherwise. 

She was hiding in her room, crying; but not knowing why. She would enter classrooms as though she was meeting someone, but no one would be there. Several times she had made her way up to the top floor of the Salvatore School and gone into the bedroom. It felt safe there. Warm. Like no one could hurt her, or that someone was watching over her; protecting her. 

The room was empty of course. There wasn’t a sheet on the mattress, no curtains protecting the windows and all three wardrobes were stripped bare. The only thing Josie found in there was the necklace she had received for her 16th birthday from… Shit, who was it from? 

It had panicked her at first, that she couldn’t remember. She rang Lizzie with the crystal and cried, yelling things about being a bad friend and that she didn’t deserve it if she couldn’t even remember who bought her the damn thing. Lizzie had managed to calm her down, something about it being from a close friend who wanted more, which led Josie to believe that Penelope had gifted her it. That didn’t sound quite right because her and Penelope did have more and it didn’t work. Josie didn’t question it, however. There wasn’t anyone else who would give her it.

Josie felt bad about not remembering but she felt worse about leaving it strewn in some random room on the top floor. She felt like it was fate, though, that the necklace had found itself there because the room had become a safe haven for Josie. When she wanted alone time where her Dad wouldn’t find her, or when she felt alone or that there was no hope, she would find herself making her way up the stairs and into the abandoned room (that was, when she wasn’t visiting the Docks). 

She liked to use the room just to lie on the mattress and stare at the ceiling. She had stared so intensely once that she noticed someone had managed to get paint up there. 

She liked to imagine that a lonely figure who used to live in the house would come up here, like Josie, looking for an escape. They would paint picture after picture of all the beautiful things in life, and one day they got a bit too vigorous with the paint brush and it found its way up onto the ceiling. 

This spurred Josie on to try and find any remnants of any paintings in the school. She searched high and low, looking through the armoury and even breaking into her Dad’s office and looking there. At one point she even asked him about it:

“That room upstairs, were there any paintings in it?”

“I don’t really remember. Why?”

“Oh, no reason, don’t worry about it.”

It struck her as strange that her father didn’t remember, not when he knew the ins and outs of this place like the back of his hand. Everything that came in and out of this place her Dad knew about. Especially now that he was packing his stuff up since he’d left his position as headmaster. 

But Josie soon forgot about her father’s memory problems the more the summer trawled on. Her own problems started taking hold instead. The pit at the bottom of her stomach growing and swallowing all of her organs, leaving her gasping for oxygen. Night after night, she faced nightmare after nightmare and would wake up dripping in sweat with her face wet from her tears. 

She would never remember them though. Just as quick as they appeared in Josie’s mind, they would leave.

She had tried to use magic once to trap her nightmare so she could see what it was. She had instinctively crossed her arms over and held them out for someone to hold. 

But there was no one there.

The action had left the brunette dumbfounded. She never held hands with anyone when she siphoned. That was an intimate touch, and she wasn’t that close with MG or Kaleb or any of her other friends. And she definitely couldn’t do it with her sister because there wouldn’t be any magic to siphon from. So it must’ve been someone else. But Josie couldn’t place who. 

Her attention was dragged away from her thoughts when she dropped one of her rings through the decking. She must’ve been pulling a bit too hard and then her grasp must’ve slipped and boom. Straight down the gap in between the wooden planks. 

She got angry at herself. Mumbling things about being stupid and that she should be more careful. She shifted and bent over the gap it had dropped down, trying to find it. She could just about see it on the edge of the grass and the sand. Balanced between the two worlds. She attempted to shove her arm through and grab it, but the gap wasn’t wide enough. 

Josie huffed in frustration. She didn’t understand why she was getting so angry about things that didn’t matter. Like her lack of memory; people forget things all the time, it’s natural. Or when she couldn’t find the book she was looking for in the library. Or like now, when she had dropped a cheap ring she bought in a pack of 12 on the internet, through the decking. Rescuing the damn thing didn’t matter, she had three more identical ones upstairs. 

But maybe if she could save this one. If she could do something useful. Maybe she would feel like she was making a difference and that she did matter. 

‘Shit.’ She hadn’t meant to think that. She didn’t even know she was thinking that. I mean, yeah, she had felt a bit lost over the last 3 months, she felt like she wasn’t doing anything useful and that sometimes she was doing more harm than good, but she mattered. 

Lizzie needed her. Her dad needed her. Her mom needed her. 

It was all beginning to make sense now. The constant ache in her heart. The way her brain felt like it was going to explode into a thousand pieces. How she would cry herself to sleep and wake up with her pillow still wet from tears. 

Josie sadistically chuckled to herself. Oh how it all made fucking sense. 

She had been doing what Landon had been doing before he had gone to find a way to get Rafael back. 

The dock was the perfect place to fall off the end of the world. She would be surrounded by nature and the tranquility of the gentle push of the waves. Blues faded into turquoise into cerulean. It reminded Josie of a pair of eyes she’d once seen somewhere. 

They were truly beautiful.

It was surrounded by the light chirping of the free birds. She could be free. Soaring, flying, dipping and diving. ‘Oh what a life. To be a bird’. Perching on the trees, watching the human antics happening below. Having no constraints, nothing to tie them down. 

Josie wanted to be free.

The brimming tears were flowing in full force now as she laid on her back, staring at the incoming night sky. She had been keeping it all in for so long, it was destroying her from the inside out. If only Lizzie could see her now. 

She had to keep fighting for Lizzie, she needed her. 

But she was shattered. 

And there is no Hope.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if i missed any thoughts of josie’s it was in italics in my google docs but i don’t know how to make them italics from my phone. i put as many as i saw in quotation marks but i think i might’ve missed a few. thank you for reading and let me know if you want a hope POV


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